Saturday, September 4, 2010
Day 1: Driving on 9
I drove out of Chicago with a searing pain in my temple, a car packed strategically to the gills, and a quest for enlightenment, in whatever form it may, or may not reveal itself. The rain coursed down as I paced through the early morning rush hour traffic I had tried to time aside, nodding to the low-slung cloud coverage and constant gray pounding of water. I was thankful, knowing that rain will be a rarity in California, and this exit shower deserves appreciation. In traffic, it is fine. Stopping, starting, listening, wiping away, seeing through. Challenge arose when the traffic broke, and speed increased. Trucks barreled, landscape flew, and the mist tossed off by the barreling trucks became blinding, as it coated the windshield, and the wipers were forced to quicken, shake, desperately clearing a space for visability. After all, it's rarely the weather that creates danger or erases visibility- it's the byproduct of speed that courses past thoughtlessly, covering you in impenetrable film, loss of a moment, and a fury to regain sight and control.
This went on for a few hours. I did drive out of the rain, yet the thick cloud coverage hung like a low ceiling, and the drive seemed flat. Which makes sense.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Moon always shines
Standing in an apartment I've never seen
Preparing a departure dinner
we didn't mean
I can’t make myself
this time
To welcome strangers never met
that hold the world of the prior shaped fantasy
with tweezers and tenfolds of control and consistency,
twilight and transition.
I am happy to comfort and extend in my cowering
Happy to primp and prepare in reprieve
So long as it is distant
so long as the tears defining our sleeves are clear.
(by tears I don't mean tears, I never do)
I've asked for guidance.
He pauses and asks to come to my home
overwhelmed
In need of escape
I agree and we are in the car
He drives, as I sit in the passenger seat
Watching the landscape slide by,
happy to go.
I lose control
My hand, my arm
lucid and aware and involuntary
No ability to stop the movement of my limbs toward his body
My hand to his knee.
Until impulse returns
I offer a friendly squeeze
A note of comaraderie
To his glance of surprise
and some suspect suspense
My hand, my arm
Darts back to my lap
Eyes to the landscape
And the sliding of time.
It happens again
This loss of control
Inebriation of intent
My hand, my arm
Pulling to his on the shift
Control comes quicker this time, stopping short of a touch
He reaches out and grabs my hand
Placing it under his on the shift
Relief
Fingers entwining
Finding
Pulsing
Greedy
Exposing
Apparent
Free.
We walk our hands in our arms
Exploring the moon
Up the back stairs
Into my moderate mess
And he speaks to me
Fingers entwined
"Don’t bother with this
Start serving yourself
Let your world out
Instead of trapping it in
Reach."
I agree
Shining high above our atmosphere
with the promise of inhibition
and the dream that recurs
once a month.
sometimes twice.
when we're lucky,
blessed
and full of a moon that turns blue
with a promise that can be temporary
restrained
free
or discarded,
The moon always shines.
in the recurrence of a dream.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Hot apple cider and Union Square
And, holy shit-I'm leaving in two weeks. I keep expecting to feel a sense of something akin to remorse, but I don't. I keep expecting to stumble across a failure, but I haven't. I keep expecting to find disappointment, but disappointment only lies in the idea of staying, not of leaving. And I keep coming back to the idea of transition.
Definition time!
Transition:
1 a : passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : change b : a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another
2 a : a musical modulation b : a musical passage leading from one section of a piece to another
3 : an abrupt change in energy state or level (as of an atomic nucleus or a molecule) usually accompanied by loss or gain of a single quantum of energy
And of relationships.
Relationship:
1 : the state of being related or interrelated
2 : the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a : kinship b : a specific instance or type of kinship
3 a : a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings
I have started to recognize that all of my work deals with the crossing of relationships and transition. Not a very deep thought or association- it makes sense. Wordplay ,teaching, movement, visual work, friends, acquaintances, inspiration, navigation. They all connect and are made interesting with interpretation, perception, building, skill, technique and evolution. This summer, as I was leading a performance program in which my students were to build their own show, from the ground up, I found myself encouraging them to "look for the game," follow the game, and then break the rules with moments of improvisation and honesty, as it erupted, and go back. I've taught this program for years, and my teaching of it always contorts with each program, and this is the first time that game-play came out nearly immediately. When teaching, I stand by discipline first. I didn't recognize this unconscious shift in my teaching until, at week 2 of the 6 week program, one of my students responded to a question with, "Well, I was looking for the game, and here it is." And everyone nodded and understood. In a group of high school kids who ranged from 14-18, brought in from all parts of the city. Apparently, I had introduced game-play immediately, with discipline. And the result was, in 6 weeks, these kids wrote and performed a show that was really wonderful, honest, full and thought provoking. No matter what, they would have created a show they loved, as they all wrote, built, choreographed and directed it. The nature of the program, which is why it always works. I was surprised that I went a bit for the jugular of game-play immediately, but it makes sense, as I knew that this was my last performance program in chicago, and it was completely my teaching. Fuck it. No bullshit. Find the transition and the relationship, and that is where the interesting developments come to light. That's the story, in both theatre and in life. That is where you learn, assess and grow. Pen to paper, paint to canvas, word to ear, eye to eye.
As I've been packing and organizing, I have been coming upon my old journals, that I've kept throughout the years. It's a writer thing, I suppose. Most are shit, and just over-dramatic musings of consequence and broken hearted quandries. Conversations with God, really. They've been prominent materials in the whole Joe Lies project, and when I was younger, I recorded them with the want to review in wisdom at a later date. To examine youth. To be able to access honest ramblings and questions. As I leave Chicago, it is clear that I will be leaving these journals, save a few. I found a journal that I had shared with a boyfriend in Memphis, that we used to mail back and forth between Memphis and NYC. Here is a bit of the first entry:
8/26/98
Times of transition. These are the strangest, these are the most free, yet feel as though you are trapped without any escape other the eminent departure and a desire for clarity. Yet, that is neither clear, nor unclear, and you feel lost. These are the times when a stranger can change your life, simply by appearing. Safety is no longer an option, it is a tease. Suddenly, safety becomes untouchable and pristine, hovering just outside a reach that refuses to grasp. You try not to stare, because you're aware that safety is taunting you, flaunting itself in quiet power with a high-pitched giggle. You react by taunting it with comfort. You create each moment into a cherished memory. This is my last taste of this coffee. This is my last glimpse of this coffeeshop. You become a tease to the commonplace, the position you've held. You know you won't be here tomorrow. So you become a camera, recording and memorizing each moment as it occurs. Each acquaintance becomes a dear, lifelong friend. Yet, like clarity, this is neither true nor untrue. You're sitting in a coffeeshop.
The point of this is that it all remains the same. What was scrawled in a journal about the state of leaving as a 23 year old remains the same as I set out to leave another city as a 36 year old. Wisdom is in this identification. Things and circumstances change, but the weight of transition indicates how aware you choose to be. As I have spent the past 7 months returning to the people and places I have loved and known best,because I had chosen to transition, I have done so with a recording eye, not a nostalgic one. Nostalgia is welcome later. Right now, I'm looking for the games and laughing as I play them with glee. Why am I surprised that I asked my students to do the same, when it is clearly a skill and technique? I think I wouldn't have noticed it, were it not for my students bringing it to my attention in honest action and response. Beauty of teaching. It is a cyclical exchange.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Myths are public dreams; Dreams are private myths- Joseph Campbell
To tie Joe Lies into the body of my work as a performance artist is easy. It is as simple as association, much like the Femme Fatale project. There are clear parallels between the two. The femme fatale project put an archetype from a clear genre of horror into a human atmosphere, showcasing ritual, isolation, humor and scrutiny. Joe Lies takes that a step further- still playing with the archetype of a powerful and influential woman- this time taken from a silly 80's film(Say Anything)- and offering the next step. We are a band. We play out. We need to build an audience. It is a play on the pop culture and influence with which I am familiar, clearly, and an association with which I could easily find my musician friends to jump and say, "Yes! Let's play! That's fucking funny." And we can play, make obscure references, have much fun, and build. What a treat to simply to build and explore because we find a common joke and association amusing. Sometimes, there is nothing more simple nor pure than just that. So, with the grace of this, the play has been wonderful and fun.
This is the point of both the Femme Fatale project and Joe Lies. They are both exaggerated character studies of an archetype put in a painfully pedestrian frame. While the Femme Fatale Project focused on isolation, Joe Lies teases and offers isolation as an impetus to build association and community. Lyrics are literally pulled from journals of real circumstance and played with in presentation. We play as a band. and we play with a real relationship of a band, hopefully, joyfully, and based on our comfort, practice and kinship. We are a relationship. As every band is. As every association is. As every tortured journal entry that we discover and explore promises to be. We have a goal, set by an archetype, to fulfill. Brilliance and ridiculousness will ensue. And that is what it is. Hilarious, uncertain, honest, and done when it is done. The relationship remains. And we have 63 songs. All about pain. All about you.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010

As read at CHIRP Radio(Chicago's Independent Radio Project- www. chirpradio.org) inaugural "The First Time Series" on April 28th, 2010. Originally, this had been posted after the event. However, the format was skewed...So, here it is again. Tying virginity to music... One in a Million is One More Than Me, by Karen Louis and great humility
From Wikipedia:
A virgin (or maiden) originally meant a woman who has never had sexual intercourse. Virginity is the state of being a virgin. It is derived from the Latin virgo, which means "sexually inexperienced woman", but also of older women, and even goddesses.[citation needed]
…another association of virginity—the notability of its loss. More properly, the association is with the significance of the addition of a new status, rather than a loss. Hence this association is typically found in references to the first instance of a potentially extended series of like events.
I’m a virgo. Virginity is my schtick. I like definitions. I can’t think about virginity, and the loss thereof, without associating when I recognized that it would be lost, at some point. And that I would, barring any unintentional traumatic theft, choose the loss of said virginity. I wanted it to be such a cool distraction. I wanted the idea to be musical, a journey of slides, steps and images made interesting by unexpected refrains that repeat and hook. And this was the late 80’s/early ‘90’s so you had this information: be safe, it’s going to hurt, it’s going to suck, protect yourself, oh, and by the way…you might die. Or get pregnant. And teenage pregnancy, by the way, is the equivalent of killing your youth. And the world, by the way, might collide, your heart, by the way, might break, and you may, by the way, fall in love and get married. So design your life now, before you know what it is, or how it can be taken from you or given to you! Because, no matter what, it’s all your fault, so question your desires. Virginity is supposed to be a big fucking deal. Boo. No fun. What a bother that would happen some day, at some point. So, I chose music over sex. It was an innocent choice, and much more fun. And music is always awash with love and clashing and things more interesting to me at a young age than an awkward experience that promises nothing more than a new status. An uncomfortable story to share in front of a room full of strangers. And a microphone.. If the loss of virginity was going to be such a chore, I wanted to decorate it. I wanted to be a muse, of sorts, so I searched music.
This is when I found Michael Penn. These are his muses(Law and order Dong dong)
A woman of common majesty. A waitress. A motorist. A nurse. An angel lost in a pedestrian eternity. A Dorothy Lamour who beats her reputation and circumstance by smiling quizzically, raising a brow. accepting the world and walking away, believing in her own disbelief. Beauty lives on the outskirts of action, watching and documenting in each peel of an orange, each heave of a metaphor, and therefore becomes the action. She is constantly out of reach and under skin. She can neither be caught, nor escaped. Her power is her placement in life and the luck that she is gracing the presence of a sensitive marksman in her public bower.
In the hey-day of the early ‘90’s we were inundated with the pull of fascination in explicit lyric warning labels, an age of legality to buy cigarettes and alcohol, and other vices that are less addictive than the tortured poet claiming the desire of pining over the purity of lost causes and undetermined hope wrapped in a world-wise woman rolling her eyes and waiting for her shift to end, her car to arrive, her ship to sail, only to turn and find you standing in hopeful anticipation, humming a catchy refrain and holding her bag that she had left three cities behind. Fuck you, Michael Penn. Fuck me. I was smitten. He was one in a million. Everyone was a muse. That’s what I wanted to be and to find.
I studied.
I had lots of boyfriends in high school, although I never recognized them as such. The boys I dated were muses themselves, of their own making, The sweet, kind, caring , enigmatic and Morrissey obsessed best friends who eventually came out of the closet with their very supportive best girl beside them(points to self), cheering them on and moving forward. If we ever really dated, or just experienced the world for a moment didn’t matter. I was the “last beautiful girlfriend.” We had awesome relationships, just not the kind that ended in sex.
Then there was the DJ playboy from Akron, who thought he looked like Morrissey, but was closer to Vanilla Ice, and would play songs for me at Thunders on Alternative night, talk on the phone for hours, and dedicate sets to me on the radio, but our physical intimacy would end at kissing , picnics, stories and my trusty friend Kim who would test the waters of his loyalty by telling him that I was a virgin, and she was not, then reveal that she pierces her body for each boy she has fucked while tucking her hair behind both of her ears that were decorated to capacity.
I brought Kim along to all of the punk shows in Cleveland, as well. She liked to fuck. I liked to fall in clandestined love with random strangers. We had a symbiotic relationship, I suppose. I was the one. She was the million. Or she was the one, I was the million.
I went to college a virgin, without Kim and her piercings. I fell in love my very first day, as I was prone to do, with an angst ridden boy in horn-rimmed glasses who didn’t seem to notice anything more than the disturbance settled around his brow and the Fugazi he blasted from his stereo. As I bounded up the stairs in a blonde glee, I knew we’d destroy each other in the end. I’d make him play with happiness as he brought misery to my blue-eyed plate. That was how college love was supposed to work, right? Knew it in an instant, as his doting and tall friend carefully moved his guitars. I was smitten, bounding and infatuated in the way we would one day meet and discover how our polar opposite muse-ridden teenage identities would clash. I was nearly 18.
I met his tall friend first. He was awkward and smarter than everyone. A comic book artist, a musician, an actor, an enigma wrapped up in Tim Finn hair and a nickname taken from Dune. I assumed he was gay when he asked me out, after watching me swing my sweater in boredom during a blocking rehearsal for a play we were in together. He made a terrible excuse of it. He told me that his friend(angst boy) had backed out of seeing a show, and that he found me amusing. So, I bit. Protected. Happy to be in the atmosphere of this world I admired. One step closer to the angst boy, and two steps closer to finding friends.
We went on our convenient date. We went back to his room, where friends who would become mine, sat around as he played guitar and smoked and he broke out into Michael Penn. My grin and comfort pricked as I admired his sculpture of cigarette butts in his industrial sized ashtray, and the comics he had drawn lining the molding of his 5’ x 10’ single dorm room. I was in love with everything. All of the clichés fit. Friends left, and he put his guitar away, put Michael in the Cd player and kissed me, and I began to laugh as Michael Penn sang, “She said she always pegged me as gay.” I told him that I had done the same, and he was encouraged. I took Kim’s role to tell him I was a virgin. And then we had sex. And it was appropriately awkward. A surprise, but not a mistake. Afterwards, he told me he loved me, and I politely dismissed it. The Michael Penn muse doesn’t fall for false, though sweet, proclamations of love. I had a walk of shame to enjoy with a wistful gait. Drama would ensue later, when I dated his angst ridden friend, and we appropriately destroyed each other, as fortold, but by that time, I had mused myself into a new status; Leonard Cohen back-up singer, something that can’t be done as a virgin.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Another workshop, another Joe Lies song

This one is about guacamole, in the spirit of trying to create a performance piece for "Night Roars: Live art Series v.3-House Party" I've been exploring how to perform making guacamole in performance while hosting, dealing with themes of home, security and chaos...and the human condition.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Workshop Sunday
I am driven by process, in both creating work and in life on a grand scheme. What intrigues me further is the space of process: what is left behind in evidence: physically, emotionally, accidentally or intentionally in the necessity of continuing on. By no means, is this a new or insightful concept-it is just what it is: an actuality. Anything that grows or builds requires tools and stages that are essential until they are cast aside. In order to get to one place, one needs to leave another. What is left behind provides fertilizer for future growth. Plants shed their casings, leaves, and blossoms to the ground that enrich the soil. Having my own growth begin with theatre and the stage, there is little more beautiful and comforting to me than a stage lit only by a ghost light-an open and eerie space of charged inactivity, waiting to be filled, both vulnerable and incensed. All stages are haunted. Much of my personal body of work, teaching and study explores the many different stages that exist outside of the traditional theatre: on the street, in classrooms, museums, public spaces, characters, interactions, it goes on. The less likely conceived to be a stage, the more interesting to explore. The first indication of a stage is the information left behind as evidence. The histories and mythologies borne, explored, and rediscovered in a constant cycle inevitably set a pattern of overexposure, chaos, beauty, loss and mixed messages in clues and remnants left behind. The beauty I see in a ghost-lit stage is a comfort of a charged space at rest. The strength and clarity of the single ghost light is a beacon. It is the starting point in a process-familiar, protective, and simple with an atmosphere of tools, fertilizer and risks to engage or avert.
It is this task of engagement that I set myself out to explore with Striding Lion in the creation of the Night Roars: Live Art Series and the development workshops that lead up to the evening of short, interdisciplinary performances. Simply put, Night Roars: Live Art Series is a cabaret in three acts, featuring new works in development by Striding Lion and artists within the community in an atmosphere infused by creative stations, interactive elements and visual art developed through the workshop process. The entire evening is interactive celebrating works-in-progress, the live art community, and the spirit of performance. The workshops, determined by discipline, are designed as a consistent forum for feedback, generation of different angles and ideas within a work in progress, and a haven in which to play, take risks and create in an accessible, secure and supportive environment.
This afternoon, I hosted the first workshop in a series devoted to Night Roars v.3 “House Party” entitled, “Building Home: mapping memory, history and objects.” As is every introductory workshop in a cycle, this one is based in generating material based on environments and public spaces. This workshop is divided into three sections:
The first section was spent in discussion and feedback of our individual proposed pieces for the upcoming Night Roars event, giving us all a collective understanding of the nature of the work to be developed, the questions that arise from both the creators and community, and considerations as to where these questions and tasks may lead.
The second section is task-oriented. The proposals for “House Party” are divided by the themes of home, security and chaos. I presented three definitions to the group(all pulled from Wikipedia):
A home is a place of residence or refuge comfort.[1] It is usually a place in which an individual or a family can rest and be able to store personal property. Most modern-day households contain sanitary facilities and a means of preparing food. Animals have their own homes as well, either living in the wild or in a domesticated environment. As an alternative to the definition of "home" as a physical locale, home may be perceived to have no physical definition--instead, home may relate instead to a mental or emotional state of refuge or comfort.
There are certain cultures in which members lack permanent homes, such as with nomadic people.
Security is the degree of protection against danger, loss, and criminals.
Chaos (derived from the Ancient Greek Χάος, Chaos) typically means a state lacking order or predictability. In ancient Greece, it first meant the initial state of the universe, and, by extension, space, darkness, or an abyss[1] (the antithetical concept was cosmos), but later uses of the term by philosophers varied over time. In modern English, the word is used in classical studies with the original meaning; in mathematics and science to refer to a very specific kind of unpredictability; and informally to mean a state of confusion.[2] In philosophy, and in popular culture, the word can occur with all three meanings.
With these definitions and the following tools and instructions, the group dispersed to explore neighborhood.
Tools to be used:
Stream of consciousness writing: For five minutes minimum, set your pen on your paper and write without letting your pen leave the paper. Allow yourself to just write, keeping no mind of format, disruption, change in direction to deter the writing. Just write.
Gesture/movement observation: putting the observation of gesture into your own body.
Sound/echoes: Listen to the sounds around you, and articulate them in your own voice or sounds you can make. Pay attention to echoes. Note them.
Personal perspective: infuses everything. If you have a piece in mind, identify the findings that are unexpected. If you are searching for a piece: identify the correlation(association) between what you find familiar versus what you find interesting.
Glean: take what you can from the atmosphere with what you have to collect-gestures, sounds, bits of conversations, objects, photographs
Using these tools:
walk until you are caught by something.(note-if you are not caught by something as ambiguous as “something,” walk along paths until they lead into a building or change of atmosphere.)
Attach yourself to a tool that attracts you. Use it. If one leads to another, use those, too. Use at least 3 tools
Find a way to subtly interact with/as a watcher(Don’t freak anyone out, just make a human connection of some sort)
Record this in some way, using tools as described.
Once everyone returned from their independent journey, we took to creating “maps” of our journeys using collage, shadow boxes and visual work. Fun stuff. Among the items brought back into the space were a few 1961 records of Hansel and Gretel, Disney’s Three Little Pigs, and some Vintage “Better Homes and Gardens/Ladies home Journal” magazines. We played the records, which were eerily creepy and familiar, boasting a Wolf Spanking Machine, and an evil Big, Bad Wolf who spoke only in German, advertisements for battery operated “personal massagers” and quizes from 1970 determining how tolerant women should be of extramarital affairs. Home, security, chaos…indeed. The collages built were interesting, chaotic and concise. A fun Sunday.
Past workshops include:
Title: Looking for love in all public spaces
Description: Writing exercises, observations, storytelling and interaction will be used to generate ideas and storylines as connective tissue by taking part in a scavenger hunt gleaning objects, emotions, tasks, interactions and development of relationships between people, architecture, objects and atmospheres to create uncover the love stories that take place all around us.
Location: Water Tower Place
Designed for: Artists of all disciplines seeking to generate material and transitions in new and developing work, overcoming creative blocks, and gleaning ideas and concepts from public arenas.
Led by Associate Artistic Director, Karen Louis. Karen has worked as a performer, teaching artist, costume designer and every other hat known to be worn with Striding Lion since 2002. She received a B.A.(Theatre) from the College of Wooster and an M.A.(Interdisciplinary Arts) from Columbia College. As a performer and teaching artist, she has also worked with The Women's Project and Productions(NYC), Playhouse on the Square(Memphis, TN), Healthworks Theatre(Chicago), and many other places along the way.
Title: Reinterpreting Fairy Tales-an exercise in music, movement and mythologies
Description: A selected fairy tale will be presented and expanded upon using music, movement exercises and clowning techniques.
Led by Company member, Dana Dardai. Dana Dardai has worked with the Neo-Futurists, Filament Theater,Stockyards Theater Project, New Leaf Theatre, and New Millennium. She is a teaching ensemble member of the Striding Lion InterArts Workshop and co-composed and performed on their album, "Birdsongs". She has also composed and directed music for "A.W.O.L" with the clown troupe Eleffant Foot. Dana studied the violin, voice and viola at the University of Evansville, clown with 500 clown and movement at Joel Hall and the Salt Creek Ballet.
Title: Visualizing Time
Description: Artists explore concepts of time, memory and mapping using movement, contact improvisation and text.
Led by Amanda Exley Lower - a modern dancer, choreographer, and the artistic director of Duende Dance Theater. A mom of two, she shares her passion for movement through performances, residencies, and classes.
Title:Necessary dialogues( Social Theatre/Theatre of the Oppressed)
Description: An exploration into building narrative and concepts of political thought through theatrical presentation. What is considered political? How is it articulated through the written word, body and performance? Where do these performances take place? What is the greater cultural meaning/evidence?
Title: Musical Duct Tape
Description: Designed to use sound, rhythm and songwriting techniques to explore deeper themes within presented work and further development of musical ideas.
Designed for: Those seeking to explore sound and music within their work and techniques in which to expand or instigate musical ideas.
Led by Christian Rogala, a Striding Lion Company Member for three years, an Honor Graduate at Berklee College of Music, Member of Fluid Minds: a Chicago based Rock Group. Also plays with many other musicians and styles of music.
Title: Characters, playing, speed-dating, Oh my! It’s a showcase showdown!
Description: Exploring the relationship between character identities, costuming, and engaging the audience, artists will play with character development, building, constructing and contorting costumes/props, and audience participation/engagement ideas to be used in the Night Roars event. Presentations will be set up in the schedule of appearance, games played, music continued, final thoughts and considerations.
Led by Karen Louis