The Moon always shines

A dream that recurs.
Standing in an apartment I've never seen
Preparing a departure dinner
we didn't mean
I can’t make myself
this time
To welcome strangers never met
that hold the world of the prior shaped fantasy
with tweezers and tenfolds of control and consistency,
twilight and transition.
I am happy to comfort and extend in my cowering
Happy to primp and prepare in reprieve
So long as it is distant
so long as the tears defining our sleeves are clear.
(by tears I don't mean tears, I never do)
I've asked for guidance.
He pauses and asks to come to my home
overwhelmed
In need of escape
I agree and we are in the car
He drives, as I sit in the passenger seat
Watching the landscape slide by,
happy to go.
I lose control
My hand, my arm
lucid and aware and involuntary
No ability to stop the movement of my limbs toward his body
My hand to his knee.
Until impulse returns
I offer a friendly squeeze
A note of comaraderie
To his glance of surprise
and some suspect suspense
My hand, my arm
Darts back to my lap
Eyes to the landscape
And the sliding of time.
It happens again
This loss of control
Inebriation of intent
My hand, my arm
Pulling to his on the shift
Control comes quicker this time, stopping short of a touch
He reaches out and grabs my hand
Placing it under his on the shift
Relief
Fingers entwining
Finding
Pulsing
Greedy
Exposing
Apparent
Free.
We walk our hands in our arms
Exploring the moon
Up the back stairs
Into my moderate mess
And he speaks to me
Fingers entwined
"Don’t bother with this
Start serving yourself
Let your world out
Instead of trapping it in
Reach."
I agree
Shining high above our atmosphere
with the promise of inhibition
and the dream that recurs
once a month.
sometimes twice.
when we're lucky,
blessed
and full of a moon that turns blue
with a promise that can be temporary
restrained
free
or discarded,
The moon always shines.
in the recurrence of a dream.