Loss is Expected-games and playing

Last night was the thesis exhibition opening. It was fine and awkward. I had made the decision not to perform for this event because, with this piece, my performance is not necessary yet.This night was a setting of the space, and the space is the performance, and the performers are those who enter it. The space is textured with the elements of theatre performance-a stage, a curtain, direction, blocking directions, entrances and exits, clarity, ambiguity and the freedom to play and break rules. the framing of it is skewed, but it is all there.

I tried not to stalk my piece, which was rather impossible,because I am primarily a performer, and I want to make things easy for an audience. But that is not this piece. This piece is a challenge. I eventually gave in and watched from the periphery. I wanted to see how people interacted with it, or if they did.

Observations on opening:

1)Everyone recognizes a pinball machine and bright colors. This inspires grins, nods and moving by to get to the more "serious" work waiting around the literal corner, in this case. It also inspires return for closer inspection and raised eyebrows. When I began this process, I did so with creating definitions of these elements to which I was attracted. The initial idea was to play with a photobooth, which is still integrated in the piece, but it's limitations were in the breadth of the theme that I hadn't gotten to yet. Photobooths were my gateway drug, and the definite personal place with which I identified at the beginning of this process.

Photobooth: A formulated private space with a plastic, uncomfortable seat, an awkward curtain, and a money-feed which may, or may not, accept your crumpled dollar bills. Once the money is fed and accepted, the subjects have no control over when the photos are taken. There are four, and expressions can change with each frame. I see it as a confessional of moments. It is an isolation chamber, with no background other than a white wall, but the image is disposable,In WWII, soldiers would send home photos of themselves to their loved ones. Now, photobooths are found in bars, arcades, them businesses and amusement parks. There is nothing to these pictures other than the pose that you try to to catch, with limited control over when or how the photo is taken, in succession. The fun is in the waiting, then the result is a grainy, streaked, distorted and imperfect, working more with shadows, rather than definition. Subjects are caught in categories.

As I played with the idea of photobooths, I continued into the sense of immediate recognition,distortion and temporary expression posed and frozen in time in a form that can go anywhere-tossed away, sent to a loved one, ripped into pieces to be shared, discarded, shoved in a wallet, or forgotten, until surprisingly discovered once again, and that isolated moment which occurred in this sterile space is suddenly alive again, despite(or because of) it's crass, grainy and distorted features.

Clearly, I still want to do a piece based on photobooths. But not while I'm in grad school. I want to use a real photobooth, and they are just expensive. Need funding!

Again-the photobooth was a gateway drug to explore recognition, amusement and my own journey thus far in the qualities of the definition I had created. Pinball was a clear choice. It's my favorite game. So I created a definition:

Pinball: A game of controlling chaos, using both skill and chance. A ball is propelled into an obstacle course. The player, once the ball is activated, can only control the flippers to bounce the ball back into a game of snaps, isolation, bounces and over-stimulating triggers-lights, sounds, catch-phrases and illogical point building. The most important strategy is to keep focus and position the bumper flipper soas to catch and propel the ball back into the game, staying alive. No one wins the game. Points are registered, but the ball always slides in between the flippers. Satisfaction comes from endurance. Loss is expected.

The frame(and title) of this piece quickly became clear, and I am happy with it. It is clearly recognizable, quickly passed up, and returned to for inspection...Yep.I saw that. Good.

2)Thank goodness for children, and their ability to seek amusement, and create it where they want it to be. They want it to be everywhere, but are in constant conflict of being pulled back and encouraged, not unlike that whole quest for identity thatis a lifelong mission. There were a couple of kids who came with their parents to the opening. They clearly were aware and respectful that they were at an art opening with their parents, and were very careful about being on good behavior. Kids are awesome. As their parents explored, the kids kept coming back to L.I.E. unsure of what to do. It's clearly a playground, but were they allowed to play? As I stalked my own piece, I watched them stalk it, too. One of the kids was the child of a professor of mine, and this professor knows my work, and that I want it to be played, so she encouraged her child to do so, which was great. Once she had free reign, her child started making up rules, and reacting to the given rules, which were ambiguous. And it all worked perfectly. This kid played the games, respecting the rules given and making new ones at the same time, striving to win, and working an optimism that is often forgotten or cast aside. This kid then became a leader to another child who had been watching, waiting and wanting to play.As the games were being played, other elements of the piece started gaining weight. The sound piece, which constantly runs, started infiltrating into the game, as well. I nearly jumped for joy when this child turned to her parent and said, "Hey, the lady on the radio knows what I'm doing and what I'm thinking!" I think that's an awesome success.

3) At the end of the night, I got a rainbow!!! What luck, great coincidence, and subtle agreement to my insistence of building this piece around a window. I could, and have, gone into all of the reasons of extension, meditation and the easy association that having this window overlooking Michigan Avenue and Grant Park offers, and weather conditions are a big factor, too, but a rainbow? I don't think I've noticed one in years. how lucky!

As i head into the next phase in this work, I am excited. Thank goodness I don't feel like it's done.

K