Why Marriage Equality is important to me

I've been waiting to write this blog for a very long time. Rather, I am constantly writing it. I was writing it as I went through my endless stream of deep relationships with lofty structure(I'm an artist, I know a lot of artists... we dig depth, yo, and escape at an equal rate)I was writing it in my five years of abstinence from the idea of love. I was writing it a year ago, when I was in a relationship that was clearly headed toward a lifelong commitment in the expanse of the love story we were building- two old friends reconnecting in a better place than both had been when they knew each other before, excited for the future and the promise of collaboration, and all else. This was the love that I had been holding out for. This was the companionship that held promise. We were both there. I used to joke to my friends that he and I were not allowed to visit Vegas for a while, because we'd end up in a shotgun wedding, and it would be unfair to our families. But that was the joke. I had a statement pinned to my sleeve(next to my heart, of course) that I had also joked about though all of this. Legal marriage is not an equal right in the United States, and until it is, I can not marry. An overt portion of our active, tax-paying, child-bearing and raising, spiritually identified, loving and beloved community is segregated in the legality of marriage. In a country that claims to uphold a constitutional separation of church and state, and egregious oxymoron is continually overlooked: Marriage equality is considered legal only between the opposite sex in most states. And in those states where Marriage Equality is established, it is immediately opposed in a legal form(Prop 8,DOMA for examples, and every other example that follows a Marriage Equality ruling)But the arguments that inform all of this legalese of segregation is religion-based. Usually done so in the name of religion and translations of The Bible(in the US, at least), which is an interpretive text in and of itself. It's a frustrating rabbit-hole that manifests in persecution, anger, segregation, confusion and the desire to grow, build, understand and include to live this life on Earth as it is done in Heaven... Right? Legally I am able marry, sure. Morally,spiritually, I cannot. Yet. Because, if I did, the morality in my stomach would twist. Much like the morality in my stomach twisted last night, as I read of North Carolina's vote to ban the legality of same sex marriage. Much as it has twisted with every over-turn of other states' legal votes to support same-sex marriage. That knot has loosened a bit with Obama's spoken support of same sex marriage. There is much more that he can do, and he has done much leading up to now, to liberate the United States in honest equal rights on this issue and instill the hope and change that defined his political platform, and resonated with a nation. But this is not meant to be an accolade for Obama. I'm much more selfish than that. No matter where we fall on the political platform, we are able to vote and voice our votes, vocation and verility(regardless of gender). This is the first time, in my legality to vote, that our president has agreed with me openly on a personal level that effects me directly. It took a while, but it is there, and that is important. There is another side to this that twists. I remember being a sheltered kid in Mrs. Smith's 9th grade English class in the late '80's in Kent, Ohio. We had a student teacher from Kent State who spent some time with us. He was funny, very serious and silly, at the same rate. We were all awkward and Ohioan. This student teacher asked us, in the form of trying to help us understand Shakespeare, what we discriminated against. No one answered... We were in Kent, Ohio. We were all born post 1970. No one was going to admit to discrimination, we had been taught not to do that, and we didn't get Shakespeare, yet. So, I raised my hand and said "Gay people." Why? I honestly don't know. I was a kid. I think I was trying to give him something to work with, because I was interested, my parents were teachers, and it was the most recent thing I had heard on a larger level than our small community. Looking back, that was at the time of the AIDS crisis, and an entire community was being left adrift to suffer and die needlessly and carelessly, being quarantined, demonized and segregated. That was terrifying. At that time, AIDS was shamefully and incorrectly publicized as a "gay disease." I wasn't a mean kid. I didn't really hate anyone, but I understood his question: what do people fear, and therefore decide to judge, in order to alleviate their own fear, and distance themselves from it in the form of disassociating openly from a group that has nothing to do with them, make choices to uphold this distance, and set another entire drama in motion that has nothing to do with the clarity of the situation at hand. The result is-everyone dies in the end. That's Shakespeare. That was AIDS in the 80's, from a 13 year old in an Ohio college town receiving disseminated information on a nightly basis. I watched the news with my parents every night. That is what I heard and saw from the media outlets, as they were.So that was my answer to the question he was begging. This was confirmed when he asked, "Why?" and before I had a chance to answer, some kid in the class yelled, "experience!". I remember this distinctly for two reasons: 1) shame and 2)a different shame. The first shame came with saying something I didn't actually believe as a kid trying to give an answer to a struggling teacher, and that was the easiest one to give. The second shame was deeper. It came with the kid yelling "experience," as if any of us had any. Dumb versus dumber. Ignorance versus ignorance. I knew what I was saying was wrong, and then that injustice was echoed with a retort to frame me back into that same cycle of ignorance. That exchange made me understand Shakespeare. And that cycle will continue until we break it in order to create a new one. That is when I understood childhood, and confirmed with the opportunities of experience and growth. This memory has stayed with me as an artist, teacher and human. This memory has stayed with me as I have built relationships. Kids do that. They remember. They acknowledge. They recognize when they are wrong and when they are right, because they are learning as they go. As adults, we are strong when we do, too. Nature and nurture both exist, and are equally powerful in different ways. The people we become are intrinsically influenced by our atmosphere,our upbringing and our communities, and that continually builds. While Marriage Equality is legally in flux,and state to state, the kids who are LGBT, their friends, families and loved ones will be forced to be unsupported, or forced to seek strength that we don't like to ask of children, friends families, and circumstances to seek a place that is accepting... Which is the segregation that exists. What disturbs me most about the North Carolina vote is the impact that it has on our children who are growing up in that state. A powerful message was sent by the voters about who is welcome, and who is not, and I cannot contest that, because I don't live there. This is a democratic country. Votes are important. Those votes, when dealing with equality, influence the country, as well. My heart broke yesterday from California. I registered to vote in California with Obama's spoken support of same sex marriage. At least there was that. Finally. I believe in our democracy, our country and all of our communities. It clearly takes a while. We have come a long long way, in some places, from the place I was in in 9th grade. We have not, in other places. I hope that we do soon, as I'd really like to envision a life of legality with my life partner, and celebrate this country and democracy with my husband in good faith, morality and equality. Until then... I guess I'll keep dating musicians. And understanding Shakespeare.